'[VII] Of the Seventh Weapon. - 'The Seven Spiritual Weapons' by Saint Catherine of Bologna – pages 24-25; Points 14-27
[Saint Catherine of Bologna – XV Century AD; Bologna/Bologna (aged 49); Virgin; Mystic; Spiritual Writer; Teacher; Artist]“(14) And then turning herself to the weapon of prayer, she received some comfort. For she did not consent completely but remained in great bitterness thinking that, by this, she was in contempt of the Virgin Mary. She said: “She told me that I ought to leave behind my own opinion, and every day I think the opposite.” Thus she was led into great desperation, unaware that this was the result of the devil’s instigation and thinking it was purely from herself.
(15) When the malign devil saw that nevertheless she did not lose her hope in God, he pondered how to find a more subtle deceit. So, one morning, when she had entered into the church to pray, he suddenly appeared to her in the form of Christ crucified, standing in the form of a cross with his open arms spread somewhat in front of her in a friendly and benign fashion as though wishing to draw her back. He said to her: “Thief, you have robbed me. Give me what you have taken from me.”
(16) She believed it was Jesus Christ. So with great reverence and fear – as soon as he had appeared to her, she voluntarily had prostrated her body on the ground, so that she appeared to be submissive in mind – she answered by saying: “My Lord, why do you say this to me? For I have nothing; in fact, I am most poor and as nothing in your sight and in this world I am subordinate to others so that I do not have anything.”
(17) He responded by saying: “I want you to know that you are not so poor and that you have something because I made you in my image and likeness by giving you memory, intellect and will; and by abandoning yourself by a vow of obedience, you have returned them to me and moved me to tell you that this shows you to be a thief.” She understood that he said this because of the thoughts of infidelity which she had in her heart against her abbess, as was said above, and she answered: “My Lord, what should I do because I do not have my heart in the control of my free will and I cannot restrain the thoughts which come to me?”
(18) He answered saying: “Do as I tell you; catch your will, memory and intellect and make sure that in no matter you do something other than the desire of your elders.” And she said: “How must I do this when I cannot retain the intellect which discerns or the memory which remembers?” And he answered: “Place your will in theirs and think that their will is yours and do not wish to exercise memory or intellect in any matter other than theirs.”
(19) And she said she could not do that, aware that she did not have her heart subject to her freedom. He said to her: “Do as I told you; that is, sleep, wake and rest.” She answered him: “Sir, I do not understand what you want to say.” And he said: “By sleeping, I mean that you should not involve yourself in the present things of this world; and by waking, I mean that, nevertheless, you should be zealous about your duty to obey; and by resting, I mean that always and in all your works you keep your mind in continual meditation on my passion.”
(20) And having said this and many other things to strengthen her in obedience, he disappeared. She, believing he was Jesus Christ, kept her mind on these things and thought about them often. Nevertheless, she did not think she had her heart free from the above-mentioned battle since with great importunity, as soon as her abbess ordered some exercise or said something, it seemed that a thousand judgments came to her mind: “This matter would be better if it were thus and so,” and many thoughts of infidelity and contradiction of which she never spoke except in her culpa to her superior mentioned above, as was noted earlier.
(21) She did this with great shame and bitterness so that many times she could have washed her feet with the abundance of her painful tears. And she said that if she hadn’t made use of this remedy of “saying her culpa,” many times she would have become conceited and rebelled against obeying this abbess, for many times she was tempted very violently to go and fight with her and contradict the things she did or ordered. This could have led to the damnation of her soul, for in no way is a religious permitted to contradict her superiors unless it is a matter of mortal sin.
(22) And for this reason when she was thus tempted, she resisted strongly, knowing that it didn’t come from herself but from the envy of the enemy, who has the fiercest spite for those people who rightly serve God in the state of obedience, and so he was always searching for new ways by which he could trick her. She resisted him with patience and will have the crown of martyrdom.
(23) But returning to our plan, when some time had passed, this battle grew ever greater, and she would never have resisted had she not endured with love and reverence, and obeyed her superior in all things. Further, she was never found stubborn or obstinate in her opinions, although by not consenting to the devil she was always involved in a great struggle and in bitterness. So great was the multitude of her tears, which so abounded, that if God had not conserved her sight by his grace, it seems impossible that her eyes would not have dissolved in her head. But when such was her bitter weeping that she reached the point that it seemed no more water could flow, blood came in its place.
(24) And her heart could not restrain itself from weeping because of the unspeakable sadness which had wounded it, especially since it was deprived of the flame of divine love by which she was often accustomed to be visited with such abundance that she could with great effort barely hide it. She suffered from great dryness in her head and could not pray nor say the office without great pain and effort. Moreover, in this way painful sadness increased because she feared that it might be from the vice of sensuality.
(25) This fear proceeded from the enemy because, as was said above, already in the first apparition he had said that sensuality arose from him, and now he aroused her, who feared in her heart – not only her, but even acquaintances – that she was sensual. In this way she bore and sustained many rebuffs and accusations. This was the comfort and support brought to her in the midst of so great a plight. As her pain became continually worse, it was as if she were deprived of understanding while the battles raged within and around her.
(26) And for this reason, she began to snatch some repose at night and not to stay awake all night as he did, though she was so accustomed to prayer that, even when she was sleeping, she was raised up in the form of a cross, that is, with her arms extended. No doubt this was induced by the enemy so that, by praying too much, she would wear out.
(27) And besides this, it seemed to her, and so it was, that what had happened to her was like what had happened to the glorious Job, that is, that she was deprived of all riches of mental and bodily grace, and the virtues which she had adopted in the beginning with good zeal and without hesitation now seemed impossible for her to have to do. If the virtue of patience were not proposed to her in her mind, she would have very little, but that the slightest word was spoken to her induced in her great bitterness. This happened to her after the above mentioned deceits through the great poverty of spirit which she suffered.”
Image: (Venice) La distruzione del tempio di Gerusalemme_~ Francesco Hayez, 183x282 cm, gallerie Accademia Venice, 1867, 70 AD - destruction of the Temple of Jerusalem
Music: ‘Incipit oratorio Jesemiae Prophetae’ a 6 · Michael Noone · Ensemble Plus Ultra
‘Incipit oratorio Jesemiae Prophetae’ = ‘The oratorio of the Prophet Jeremiah begins’
>>> youtube.com/watch?v=gssJBbcYR4I